


The Kangaroo Affair

by Solstice0612



Series: Homage to the Tablet Stories [3]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 12:38:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8402050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solstice0612/pseuds/Solstice0612
Summary: Jack and Daniel go to Australia looking for an ancient communication stone but find much more than they expected. Conclusion to the Homage to Tablet Stories.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eilidh17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eilidh17/gifts).



> Thank you DennyJ for your helpful beta. All mistakes that remain are my own.

 

The blinding flash of light was usually followed by an initial moment of disorientation and then a careful assessment of the area. Jack and Daniel found themselves behind a large dumpster shaded by trees, at the back of some kind of mall. In the early morning hours, the place was empty. They walked around the building to find a driver waiting for them in a dark sedan, courtesy of the US consulate in Melbourne, Australia. Everything had gone according to plan.

The two men chatted quietly in the back seat while they were driven through the urban sprawl to the address they had gotten from Candy. Daniel was trying to be reassuring, but Jack was rather annoyed. The whole thing had been his fault for carrying the communication stone with him. On that day, decisions needed to be made and he was consulting people across vast regions of space. He left the damn stone in his pocket and one moment he was in Daniel’s office and the next he was buying rhinestones across the globe. Now, it was time to recover the stone, and maybe take a quick look around.

The street given in the address was nice. It was a quiet stretch of friendly homes, especially Candy’s, the one house surrounded by several parked cars and a large van waiting by the curb.

“She seems popular,” quipped Daniel, as he approached the front door to ring the bell.

Before he could do so, the door opened and out came a dozen young women carrying hangers with dresses for Irish dancing, all laughing and talking at the same time. They passed by the two men, whose faces seem frozen in an expression of utter surprise as they watched the dancers get their costumes, assorted bags, and boxes into the mini-bus and then find their seats with the ease of a well practiced routine and without ever interrupting their bubbly conversations.

More people came out of the house, mostly middle-aged women with large handbags, who got into their cars and began driving away.

One of them remained by the door and, raising her voice a couple of notches, stuck her head inside said, “Candy, dear, the girls are ready to leave. Oh, by the way, you have visitors!! Don’t take long!!” She turned around and gave a warning look to the two men. Jack tried to smile at her but all he managed was a lopsided smirk. Unimpressed, the woman walked towards her car.

Since the door was open, Daniel and Jack made their way into the living room just as Candy came out of the kitchen full speed and found herself bouncing off a startled, wide-eyed Daniel.

“Ow!” muttered Candy, rubbing her nose for a moment, until she raised her head and saw the man in front of her.

“Sorry for the um… we are looking for Candy,” Daniel said, managing a big smile.

Candy’s face went blank for a moment that went a little too long until her eyes became very big and very round.

“It’s you!! I know YOU!”

“We have met, so to speak. I’m Daniel Jackson, and this is my…. colleague Jack O’Neill. We came to collect the stone you found,” he said catching his breath at the end.

“Look, I’d love to hear all about the… whatever it is, but we have a dance demonstration in less than two hours on the other side of the city. I really gotta go.”

“We only want the stone, and then we’ll get out of your hair,” said Jack.

“Fair enough. Gimme a sec,” Candy said as she turned around and walked into a long hallway.

The two men barely had any time to check their surroundings when Candy came back walking very fast.

“Listen folks, sorry, but the stone is gone.”

“How do you mean ‘gone’?” asked Jack, his voice kept in the friendly side of neutral.

“The girls took the rhinestone supply box with them for the dressmaking workshop and the stone was in there,” answered the woman as she opened her arms and took a step towards the door, as if trying to maneuver her visitors towards the exit.

“Candy, this is very important. We need that stone,” said Jack, still speaking in the friendly-neutral setting.

“Then you’ll have to come with us.”

“With us? Where?” asked Daniel.

“To Geelong Primary School, in the bus I’m driving. The stone might be right there in the back seat, but you’ll have to search on the way.”

Somehow they had been ushered to the garden by Candy, who walked purposely towards the bus. Jack looked at Daniel looking at the bus full of chatting teenagers. His eyebrows came together in a deep frown and then he pouted.

This could get really ugly, thought Jack, or very funny.

“Jack, can we just follow them in the car?”

“The stone is in a box on a bus full of teenagers. Can you imagine what could happen if they find it?”

“If we go with them, they’ll eat me alive.”

“Just smile a lot. And Daniel? You remember what I told you about geeks in tough spots? Take off your glasses, smile, and they’ll be very quiet. I promise. ”

“You’re such a bastard.”

“Thank you,” said Jack as he donned his best smile. After telling their driver to follow them to the school, he got on the bus, heading straight for the back seat.

Pretty quickly, all laughter and chatting came to a stop as everyone looked back to see Jack bent over trying to make some room in the back seat.

“Boxers,” said one of the young ladies in a quiet voice, but they all heard it and began to giggle.

By the time the girls noticed Daniel, he was half way through the little bus. A series of gasps slowly drew the attention of every eye in the vehicle, except for Candy’s, as she was focusing on the busy morning traffic.

With all eyes on him and blush beginning to change the color of his face, Daniel put on a big grin. Silence fell, as if everyone stopped breathing.

“Hi everyone, we are old friends of Candy. My name is Daniel Jackson and this is Jack O’Neill. We’ve never seen Irish dancing in person and Candy said it would be okay for us to tag along.”

Jack had pushed all the boxes to the side and was systematically and surreptitiously riffling through what seemed to be an endless series of dark-hair wigs. With his hand he signaled to Daniel, pointing in the direction of their young audience and making a circular motion with this fingers asking for a diversion. Without waiting, Daniel stood up, walked to the front, and took an empty seat on the first row. All the eyes followed him towards the front and away from Jack who was quietly searching through every box and bag piled in the back row.

Daniel lowered his head a bit, gave the ladies a lopsided smile, and licked his lips. They were mesmerized.

“He’s so dreamy…” said a girly voice coming from the back of the bus. “Yeah, McDreamy dreamy,” responded another girly voice.

A loud honk somewhere outside broke the spell.

“Are you Americans?” came the first question, followed by a dozen more, all rapidly fired.

Daniel kept up by speaking fast and answering non-stop while smiling which kept his audience enthralled. “Yes, we are. We’re on vacation. Well, we met Candy on a previous vacation. We work for the Air Force and I’m an archaeologist. No, mostly translations because I’m a linguist too. I speak many. No, I have not met Justin Bieber or Lady Gaga. They probably live in Hollywood. We live in Colorado. No, it’s not close; the United States is a very big country. No, almost nobody gets to meet these celebrities because we are like 300 million people. No, I am not wearing contact lenses. Yes, I am single. I don’t have a girlfriend. Well, not a boyfriend as such either. No, I’m just very busy. I do translations for fun. No, if you really like your job. Last movie I saw? Star Wars.”

Jack took pity on him and silently pointed at the young women while making the universal symbol of talk with his hands.

“So, do you mind if I ask you a few questions too?” said Daniel, and without waiting for an answer he asked, “why choose Irish dancing when there are so many other types of dancing?”

The lively debate that followed kept the focus of the teenagers firmly on Daniel giving Jack room to search without interruptions. Yet, the stone was nowhere to be found. Something wasn’t adding up. Finally, he took out his phone and speaking quietly he updated Sam back at the SGC and discussed options.

Once his search was done, Jack waited for a lull in the conversation around him to ask, “Where are we going exactly?”

The dancer siting closest to him said, “We are going to a school in Geelong, you know, near the Anglesea Golf Club, the one with the kangaroos.”

“Really. Kangaroos, eh?”

“There’re several mobs living in Anglesea. Poor things, some get killed by passing cars. Drive carefully around there.”

“So you just go to the golf course and they are around?”

“Mostly early in the morning and late in the afternoon, but sometimes a buck or a joey will come around if you walk around hole nine.”

Their conversation was interrupted by a sudden movement of the bus. They had turned into the school’s lot. After they parked, Jack walked to the front, rescued Daniel from the intense Q & A session, and got off to take a look at the other mothers arriving and carrying items for the morning’s event. Perhaps somebody else had brought the rhinestone box.

The young women and a few mothers made their way into the school and headed for the lockers, where the dancers would change and get ready for their performance. Jack pulled Daniel into a quiet corner.

“I couldn’t find the stone, and to tell you the truth, I haven’t seen the supply box with rhinestones I held in my hands. I’m not sure if we’re getting the full story.”

“We should talk to Candy but she’s kinda busy.”

“Sam is going to be in orbit. She suggested something else. I’m going to find a solitary spot outside where I can talk to her. Where will I find you?”

“In the auditorium. I’ll see what I can find out from Candy.”

Daniel saw Candy in the hallway and followed her into the theatre. They sat together in the back row, while Irish music began playing on the speakers as the students poured in through the side doors to find seats.

“I’m sorry we caught you at such a busy time. I know you have questions,” said Daniel in a low voice.

“I was in your office, wasn’t I?” Candy asked, seemingly transfixed by the big blue eyes that were focused on her from behind a pair of glasses.

“The stones give a kind of remote viewing experience.”

“There was a stone in my pocket. But it wasn’t me, I mean, it wasn’t my pocket or my body, I…” she said, struggling to find the words. “How was that even possible?”

His shoulders shrugged a bit. “We don’t really understand how it works.”

“But why do you care about these stones?”

“They are very old. I want to try to translate the writing and see if I can learn anything about them.”

“But I’m the one that found it…”

Suddenly, Candy’s face became blank and after a long pause, she said, “Daniel, it’s me, Jack. She must have the stone on her. Ask her, okay? Over and out.”

Candy’s placid expression changed to one of deep surprise.

“Wow, it just happened again!!”

“I know,” said Daniel, his eyebrows raised and his open palm extending towards her. “We understand your curiosity, but we need the stone.”

Blushing, Candy put her hand inside the purse siting on her lap and began rummaging. Her cell phone came out first, then her computer tablet, and finally the stone was in her hand.

Daniel smoothly grabbed her hand between both of his and said, “Thank you.” He then bent down a bit and gave the startled Candy a soft kiss on her lips and as he moved back, he lightly nudged her nose with his and said, “We appreciate your cooperation and your discretion.”

With a big grin on his face, he got up and left. By the time Candy remembered how to breath he was out the door.

Daniel found Jack outside holding a box on his hand, no doubt the other stone was inside. After they got in the back their black sedan, Jack open the lid and Daniel fit the black device in the empty space next to its pair.

“Please take us to the Anglesea Golf Course, and drive slowly when you get near.”

“Jack…”

“Hey, big item in my bucket list and it’s only a few minutes from here.”

“Fine, but no crazy stunts, okay?”

Jack’s innocent smile was met by a skeptic eye roll.

The driver left them at the edge of the golf course. In the distance, a group of light beige kangaroos were grazing in a shady area protected from the hot morning sun. Jack and Daniel slowly walked around the edge of the trees towards the animals.

It all happened very quickly. A huge brownish buck came bouncing out of the trees and his powerful hind legs landed next to Jack. The buck stood up reaching with his dark hands towards the face in front of him. Jack stepped back trying to put distance between him and the boxing animal. The sudden movement made him fumble the box with the stones, still in his custody, which went flying. He was able to recover the container but one of the stones fell and rolled down the gentle slope of the green. Daniel launched after it. A joey, curious, caught it and put it in his mother pouch.

Jack gasped and suddenly fell backwards as his legs tried to kick the air in unison. At the same time, the doe began bouncing all over the place, startling the other animals as she enthusiastically jumped back and forth around the slope.

Frantic, Daniel ran back towards the kicking kangaroo totally out of balance inside of Jack’s tailless body. Daniel was able to hold Jack’s body in place, while his mind, apparently enjoying his new kangaroo existence, made the doe bounce all over the green. The joey tried to follow the mother along until Jack finally noticed his tiny charge. He slowed down the pace of his jumping and headed towards Daniel.

The doe stood next to Daniel, reached down with its little hands and ruffled his hair. He then pointed towards the pouch.

“I am so gonna kick your bouncing butt,” said Daniel and with a sigh he stuck his hand in the fuzzy warm enclosure of the animal, grabbed the stone, and put it in the box next to him. The doe, back in her body, quickly moved away, the joey safely back inside her pouch.

“That was so amazing—”

“You are totally nuts!”

Daniel and Jack argued all the way back to the SGC, where they were beamed over via the Odyssey in orbit. At the end, Daniel forgave Jack, especially because he made a killing in the betting pool on how long it would take for Jack to step on Australian soil and begin jumping around like a kangaroo: less than three hours.

A month after the kangaroo affair, a certain lady in Australia received in the mail a big box full of beautiful colorful rhinestones and crystals with a thank you note from two grateful friends.

 

The End


End file.
